What If Fear Was Just a Signal?
Reclaiming Power from the Big Four: Rejection, Ruin, Regret, and Responsibility
Let’s start with a confession.
Most of the women I coach, at some point, whisper something like this, “Stephanie… I feel like I should have it all figured out by now. But I don’t. And I’m scared.”
Success doesn’t come with immunity from fear. In fact, the more capable and driven you are, the more sophisticated your fear becomes. It wears blazers. It uses buzzwords. It hides behind perfectionism, people-pleasing, and packed calendars.
But what if fear wasn’t the villain we think it is?
What if it’s a signal, not a stop sign?
And what if the four biggest fears: rejection, ruin, regret, and responsibility were just signposts pointing us toward the exact growth we crave?
The Fear of Rejection: The Unpaid Rent in Our Minds
I remember when I was stepping into leadership roles in the tech space, walking into boardrooms filled with suits and deep voices. Even with years of experience behind me, there were moments I’d shrink inside filtering every comment through one question, “Do they approve of me?”
It’s sneaky, this one. Because the fear of rejection is often disguised as “being collaborative” or “not wanting to rock the boat.”
But here’s the thing, you don’t need a permission slip to live your life.
Ask yourself, “If I stopped caring what [insert name] thought of me, what would I say, start, stop, or change today?”
One of my clients once said, “If I stopped worrying about my manager’s opinion, I’d stop pretending to love this job.” That moment led her to a role that actually fit.
Rejection isn’t failure. It’s often redirection. And sometimes, it’s just projection.
So let’s stop outsourcing our worth.
The Fear of Ruin: Catastrophising Like a Pro
You have an idea. A big, bold one. Something in your gut says: “this could change everything.”
And your brain replies, “Yes, and if it doesn’t work, you’ll end up broke, embarrassed, and probably on a talk show called ‘Where Are They Now?’.”
Sound familiar?
We catastrophise like we’re being paid for it. But most of the time, what we label as ruin is just the discomfort of risk.
In one of my first major life shifts, leaving a marriage, moving out, co-parenting, I didn’t just fear ruin. I felt ruined. But here’s what that fear didn’t account for: my resilience. My ability to rebuild. My daughter’s smile.
Try reframing. If failure wasn’t final… what would you try?
Every so-called “ruin” is also a reset. One that allows us to rewrite, not just recover.
The Fear of Regret: The Slow Burn We Avoid
Regret is a quiet fear. It doesn’t scream like rejection. It hums just loud enough to disturb your peace.
Several years ago, I asked myself a confronting question, “If I stay on this path, will I be proud of this life at the end of it?”
That’s when things shifted.
I’ve had clients break down crying when I pose this question during coaching. Because deep down, we all know what we’ve postponed. The book. The boundary. The real “yes” we’ve never said out loud.
The regret isn’t that we failed. It’s that we didn’t try.
Write down three things you want to feel joyful satisfaction about at the end of your life. Then reverse-engineer your actions starting today.
We don’t avoid regret by playing small. We avoid it by playing true.
The Fear of Responsibility: When “More” Feels Like “Too Much”
Let’s be honest. Sometimes it’s not the lack of opportunity that keeps us stuck, it’s the weight of it.
I’ve seen it time and again with executive women: they can take on more. But they’re already carrying so much.
Responsibility is scary not because we’re incapable. But because we think it will cost us our wellbeing, our freedom, or our relationships.
So what do we do? We stall. We overthink. We shrink under the false story that “if I take this on, I’ll lose myself.”
Here’s a reframe that’s served me well: responsibility isn’t about burden, it’s about agency.
You get to choose how you lead, what you commit to, and what version of success serves you, not the other way around.
What’s one responsibility you can delegate or drop to create space for the responsibility you desire?
I’ve personally let go of tasks that once made me feel productive, but didn’t actually move the needle. That space allowed me to build this coaching practice that ignites others and myself.
Every fear we’ve talked about: rejection, ruin, regret, responsibility, is rooted in one thing: Self-doubt wrapped in a story.
But stories can be rewritten.
Through my own wake-up calls and through coaching hundreds of women, I’ve seen what happens when we challenge these internal narratives. It’s not about pretending the fear isn’t there. It’s about looking it in the eye and saying:
“I hear you. But I choose differently.”
You don’t need to wait for a breakdown to begin your breakthrough. You just need to listen to what your fear is trying to protect and decide if that protection is still serving you.
Fear will always exist. But so will your courage. The question is: which one do you want to lead?
Here’s what I believe:
You are capable of holding power and softness at the same time.
You can redefine what success looks like on your terms.
You are allowed to change direction, take up space, and choose more without justifying it to anyone.
I’ve been there. I’ve faced the big four. And I’ve come out the other side not unscarred but alive, aligned, and alight.
So if you're ready to move beyond those fear stories and finally take your place as the leader of your life...
Let’s walk that path together.
Because remember...
You can unleash your unique version of success.
Your Coach
Stephanie